Transparently Told

F10 - G

2010-05-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

Back from my extended hiatus. I'll be sure to gather you guys around for the slide show of my vacation photos in the near future. For now, there's rants to have!

I've noticed something interesting recently about the music scene of late. Yes, this is another music rant. And yes, it will have much to do with the poor state of the music of our generation. Am I that predictable?

I've noticed that there no longer seem to be any one-hit-wonders in today's music. There are several varying definitions of one-hit-wonders out there, so to clarify my definition for will be an artist that is remembered for having one hit song, usually being a pretty huge one that many people have heard, and then disappearing. That is their legacy. Sure, they may have sold millions of records, and that stuff that the lead singer did on his own was nice, and the reunion tour was pretty awesome, but when people think of this musical act, their first, and often main, thought is of this one song that they've heard a million times.

But like I said, nowadays such a beast no longer exists. And it seems to me that it should be in existence. Quite heavily so, in fact. Par example: an artist like Ke$ha. She had that one single, "Tik Tok" come out a few months before she even had an album to her name. Before that, she was a feature artist on one of Flo Rida's songs (im puking a little just realizing that I know this stuff...). Tik Tok was huge. You couldn't go five minutes without hearing it blaring out of a car window as it passed by, preteen, teen, and post teen girls alike screaming along. And realistically, that's where it should have ended. She had one big song. She had no album, no previous hits, nothing but that one song. But now she has, what, three singles? All of which seem to be extremely popular with that sort of crowd?

Another example for those of you less interested in the antics of pop princesses? What about Cage the Elephant? They were a bunch of nobodies from Kentucky with only a low-selling self-titled album to their name until "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" got some serious radio air time last summer. After countless months of nothing but that song wouldn't be safe to assume that Cage the Elephant would return to obscurity? The name alone screams one-hit-wonder, not steady recording artist. Yet now they have another single, which is apparently just as popular if not more than their first one. Impossible!

Given, my discovery lends itself much more easily to the Virgin Radio/KISS 92.5 music scene than anything else. But that doesn't make my theory any less reasonable, does it? Whatever happened to the Blind Melons and the Chumbawambas of yesteryear? How is it that some twenty-year old guy who wrote songs for other artists can suddenly have TWO consecutive platinum hits? Or that someone can go from acting on a canadian teen drama television show to being one of the most sought after artists in the world with just a few songs ON A MIXTAPE and NO ALBUM TO HIS NAME?

In my mind, the music industry is a constant struggle. You can work your entire life to try and make it big, and never make it past playing in run down bars in your hometown on open mic nights. But, if you're lucky, the right person will be in the right place at the right time and hear one of your songs and think it just might have what it takes. And for a brief moment of gloriousness, a nobody can see what it feels like to be a sensation. One-hit-wonders are the true heroes of music, because they manage to get a small piece of the action that so many other people fail to touch. But now it's like somebody entered the God-Mode cheat in the music game, so now nobody ever has to stop winning. And the result is hundreds of look-alikes and clones clogging the air waves with the same synthetic, autotuned beats as everyone else, and still raking in the money for it.

Boom Boom POW!

2010-02-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

Working at the farm this week, which amongst other things means a lot of work on the newly renovated front porch and listening to a lot of radio. 102.1 the edge for me, boom 97.3 for my dad. This has brought about two revelations on my part...

1. I don't know what I'm going to do when I finally own a home and want to renovate it. Or even just fix something wrong that may occur with the plumbing. Really the only thing that I can do well that is house-related is paint walls. Damn am I good at painting walls...

2. The classics and hits of today are the songs that my dad grew up listening to. And for the most part they are amazing; they changed the very face of music in so many amazing way. These are the songs that brought music to where it is today, the songs that inspired the artists of today to do what they do, the songs that have stood the test of time in order to become both respected and popular with our generation. It's sad to me that when we're all finally middle aged adults/senior citizens, the songs of our childhood that will be played on classic hits radio stations will include Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas...

Seeing Double?

2010-02-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

A little late. I'm failing at my promise; guess I got to keep working at that. Anyways...

Where did this doppelganger week thing come from? I mean, I think it's awesome, I wish I had participated. But it just got me wondering. All of a sudden there are doppelganger weeks and moustache months and I have no idea who's making these events and how they're becoming universally known and accepted.

Where do I sign up to become a themed event administrator? I have ideas, I can make one too!

Wilson!

2010-01-25T15:34:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling really isolated recently. Isolated, as in, completely cut off from my friends, family, anybody and everybody that I used to know in highschool or while at Guelph. Well, with one exceptional exception. And that's not Kris. His overall roommate fun rating: 9 on a good day, 2 on an almost every day...

It seems like Facebook and MSN have more or less lost their usefulness when it comes to staying connected. Sure, I could still see what everyone else is up to if I did a little digging on Facebook, but there's not really any interaction between me and them anymore. It's the same with MSN; given I don't really go on much anymore or instigate much of the conversations, but those things can be said for just about everybody else as well. Even this little blogging clique we sort of started seems to have waned in the past months...

**Sidenote: Skype seems to have filled the void that MSN left behind, although the void is a fair bit too large for Skype to be a snug fit. Still, some filled void is better than no filled void, so to all two/three of you guys who may:

a) come across this post and read it

b) not already have me on Skype

somehow give me your Skype info. I'm starved for human contact right now...

Instead of hanging out everyday at school or partying every weekend at somebody's residence, it seems like if you're not already in an area populated by people from your past you have to get up and go to them. Which is fine with me - actual face time is more or less better than talking through delayed emails any day. The only things getting in my way are pretty basic: my work/work ethic and my funds...

I hate writing this because of a fear that someone might read it and think me conceited (which I'm not), but most people in my class would agree I am the hardest worker. I am the only one in my class to always finish every project on time, and more recently it seems like my quality of work has stayed about where it was all year, while everyone else's has dropped severely. Of course, in order to do these things, I'm usually swamped every weekend (three day weekends for me) in projects due the following week. So if I'm not doing work, I usually should be; getting projects done the night before only really works when there's just one project due the following morning. Nowadays, there's usually two or three...

If, by some strange happenstance, I have no work for the weekend, there's the simple issue of being unable to afford jet-setting all across the province to see people. Or at least that's an issue if I want to continue eating and taking the TTC everyday (both rather large priorities). It's one thing when going to see someone means just a bus ticket both ways, but that's rarely the case. Between food and drink for the weekend (usually unhealthy and expensive) and food and drink for whatever celebration that usually caused me to come up in the first place (also unhealthy and expensive) and a little casual good-times spending here and there, I can usually have paid a month's rent and possibly transportation after three or four visits... And with no current source of income and the addition of monthly bills for electricity, internet, and cable (damn cable, hate hate hate), groceries, and school supplies, my funds are stretched dangerously thin as it is...

I find myself checking my email four - five times a day (or whenever I happen to look at my computer), but there's never anything new. There's nothing quite as disheartening as an unbolded "inbox" when you're this starved for human contact. I'd say I have hope for the summer, but we all know how likely it is that I'll be able to reconnect with people any more than I already do...

My birthday is in one day less than a month, with my reading week falling just before it. It is within this that hope must now rest...

Ernie Coombs

2010-01-04T16:21:00.000-08:00

Something that I feel get's an unfair shake throughout the span of growing up: costumes.

When we're kids, you've got Halloween. One day of the year when you get to dress up in an awesome costume and parade around town pretending to be someone or something that makes you cooler then you were before. Of course the first few years your costumes may or may not be determined by your parents; leading to far less awesome looks, but most kids have at least four/five years of wicked costumes before they're told they're too old for Halloween.

If you're lucky you'll end up going to a cool grade school that has various events for various reasons (book fairs, student council nominations, pre-holiday celebrations, etc) that also act as another excuse to dress up. Unfortunately, your cool grade school is also attended by the too-cool-for-school kids or the bullies who make you feel like a loser for dressing up like Merlin from The Sword in the Stone or or because you drew a fake moustache on your lips for your Robin Hood costume. So you quickly give up dressing up for school as well as Halloween.

A few years pass, and you end up in high school, where there are once again special school-wide events (albeit far fewer) that call for dressing up as your favourite fictional character. But, of course, the same kids who ruined costumes for you before have managed to pass grade school in order to come to high school with the promise of renewed torment if you even think about throwing on something that isn't clearly blue jeans and a quicksilver t-shirt. But eventually you reach grade 12: the oldest in the school, no one is going to ridicule you anymore. And so you enjoy one sweet year of costumes and nostalgia for the days of your childhood before you are forced to graduate and move on in your life.

However, when you get to university/college/the work force you find out that Halloween is a completely legitimate and widely popular holiday again: anybody who is anybody is trying to come up with the most elaborately designed or culturally referenced costume to dress up in. Finally, after all those years, you're able to release your inner child for one night every year and not fear any sort of bullying; finally, you've found your people. But now you're back to just one day of the year on which you can cut loose and enjoy dressing up in elaborate costumes...

I love Halloween. And for the very little effort there is to participate (make a simple costume, and if you don't want to do that buy some candy and stay up till around 10-11 giving it out) I don't see why we can't have a couple more costume-days in the year.

The Aughts

2009-12-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

A new year in one hour; we're about to move from single digit 2000's to double digits. The twenty-teens are upon us. This is my second full decade of life, a pretty large span of time full of major events. And since reminiscing seems to be floating rather heavily through the air right now, I said to myself "Why not me too?". One last hurrah for the 2000's...

During the span of 2000 - 2009, I:

finished all of grade school, high school, two years of university, and half year of college
wanted to be a computer animator, then a writer/actor/film-maker, then just a writer, then anything that wasn't in English, then a graphic designer
was quiet, shy, and introverted with a small circle of friends, then became more loud, outgoing, and confident with a much wider circle of friends
found love, lost it, found it again (except better)
tasted alcohol and fully experienced all of it's effects, both positive and negative
stopped all yearly camping trips to pick up a whole set of new ones several years later
went from listening to just boy band pop (Backstreet Boys) to listening to almost anything AND boy band pop (Backstreet Boys)
had no videogame systems to having five
have lived in three different houses with different sets of roommates asides from the house that my family lives in
travelled to the other side of the world
and so many other things

In this coming year I will be turning 21 - it's weird to think about just how many years have gone by. This past decade has been a ridiculous roller coaster ride of ups and downs; high points and lows. Sometimes I wonder if my 10 year-old self would recognize me now. If he did, I think 10 year-old Jonathan would be pretty impressed with the turn out.

Good on me, me.

Inspirational

2009-12-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

"Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.'"

I'm feeling musical again...

Next Stop Is...

2009-12-07T12:03:00.001-08:00

Man, TTC bus drivers must not get very good benefits or something: from my observations they certainly seem always at the ready to leave their posts (ie: the bus) at the end of their shifts. Twice now I've been sitting on a bus which has pulled into a stop (ie: nothing more than a space to the side of the busy street just big enough for a bus), at which point the bus driver has just gotten up and walked away. The strangest part? The bus was left running. It took a good five minutes before the replacement bus driver finally showed up (probably late for his unfulfilling job), during which time I'll admit I was very tempted to try and drive myself the rest of the way to school.

Public Transit Employee Satisfaction Rating Fail.

2009-10-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

It feels wrong to put this here - the impersonality of the internet means it can never hope for even the slightest chance of properly conveying things like this. But I want to put it down here anyways. Just because I feel like I need to.

For those of you who may not know, a man from my home church, Mr. Norman Knibbe, died suddenly and unexpectedly at work yesterday. He was the father of Hester, Marcella, Eric, Suzanne, Elena, and Rhiannon Knibbe, all of whom attended or are still attending HMDCS and TDCH, so I knew many of them quite well. He was also my Uncle Marvin's brother and my cousin Alex, Brent, and Dylan's uncle. When I found out what happened Tuesday night, I was left completely astounded. I had no idea what to say or think. I still don't.

Even though this tragedy is still a few degrees away from me, this is the first time I've really been hit by the mortality of human life. Mr. Knibbe was only 57, just a few years older then my Dad, and he didn't smoke like my Dad does to the best of my knowledge. By all accounts he was a healthy man with nothing to worry about. The fact that God decided to call him home so suddenly and without apparent cause is something that I'm really struggling to understand right now. If it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone - I'm just coming to realize that.

I knew Mr. Knibbe for many years, and although I never really talked to him that much I always thought he was one of the friendliest and nicest people I had ever met. My prayers are with Mrs. Knibbe and their kids right now, as what they are dealing with is something I can't even begin to imagine, as well as with my Uncle Marvin and my cousins and the rest of the Knibbe family. And I know that this is all a part of God's master plan, even though most of us probably can't see where it fits in right now.

28 Days Later...

2009-10-20T14:27:00.001-07:00

One thing that I definitely miss about Guelph: I never had my sense of smell violated by the other passengers of the public transit system.

I was sitting on the TTC bus on my way home from class when this small, round guy sits down right next to me. At first his odour wasn't incredibly offensive, just unexpected. But as the trip dragged on it got worse and worse.

I don't really know the words to best describe it, as it seemed to continually change into new terrible scents. At first it reminded me strongly of a McDonalds play place with the many plastic tubes and poor ventilation of thousands of sweaty overweight kids. Then I thought I could smell a trace of gasoline or burning rubber as well. The worst part? The guy who owned the terrible fragrance was a fidgetty bus-rider. So everytime the smell would air out in the bus he would move around and release fresh scents from whatever terrible places they came from his body.

In the end, I would say that was one of the worst things I have ever had to endure. And I've cleaned up unventilated animal pens full of all manner of crap. It goes without saying that I put a few subways cars between me and the chunky guy in the purple sweater and sweatpants...

And if I ever see him trying to sit next to me, I'll get off at the next stop and wait for another bus.

Mystery: Unsolved?

2009-09-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

This randomly came back to me yesterday. In my boring computer class of all places.

I was on Facebook, and the home page told me that Justin Horlings had been tagged in a photo album. I went to Justin's profile and suddenly it all came back to me...

When I was very young - pre-Kindergarten - I can remember having a friend. The concrete details about what he looked like are sketchy at best, but for some reason I recall him having freckles on his cheeks and hair colour somewhere between red, orange, and brown - sort of a deep maroon for explanation purposes. Although I wasn't very big at all as a kid, I think he was a little smaller then me. I have memories of being in Sunday School with him in the old Springdale church. The small turquoise-coloured room branching off of the large nursery/play room, the little wooden benches without backs at the little wooden table with dark brown pipe legs, it's all so clear in my mind.

I can also remember my friend coming over to my house to play in my backyard. We were standing on the old back porch my house used to have, the back yard was surrounded by the old green metal cage fence that's now holding in the pigs and the ducks. My friend went over to my swingset to climb on the monkey bars...

That's all I can remember of this friend of mine. I have no recollection of what happened to him beyond those two memories - but for whatever reason I know they were real. I'm not crazy. (*awkward laugh followed by long silence*)

...

What does this have to do with Justin Horlings? Well, when I started going to Kindergarten and Grade One at HMDCS, the Horlings were in my bus route. For whatever reason, from the moment I first saw him waving his eldest son goodbye from on top of his forklift tractor loaded with onion crates, I came to the conclusion that Mr. Horlings (Justin Horlings' father. duh.) was my old friend. Somehow he had just grown up incredibly fast. I can somewhat remember being introduced to him once by my parents at church, and he was very friendly to me; I understood it as a sign that he remembered our friendship.

I never thought of any other explanation throughout my early years of grade school, and eventually just forgot about the whole thing. Until now.

Vastastic

2009-09-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

Just something that I enjoy about some of my classes, above and beyond everything, since I really have nothing to complain about them yet. My one professor*

*side thought: do you call college teachers professors? I don't think it really qualifies in this case, since they're more guys from the industry who now teach rather than people who studied the subject in order to pass it on.

EDIT: My one instructor, a man of Ukranian heritage named Vass (really Wasyl, but he lets us call him Vass) says some of the darndest things. I don't know if it's his accent or the small struggles with the English language that many non-native Canadians have, or whether it's just some of that crazy art instructor in him. But I hang on his every word. Today for example.

"We don't shrink things. You only shrink hemroids. We 'reduce'."

I had a whole bunch more from Monday's class that I've written down in book. They may pop up from time to time.

And in continuation of last post, I now have three assignments to do. So I've made the healthy transition from boredom to procrasination. Not fully satisfied with the results yet...

A Fix

2009-09-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

Those 45 minute commutes really give me a lot to think about...

I'm in the process right now of dropping another course this semester. Or rather, being exempted for it. Humanities: basically an amalgamation of high school philosophy, a brief and basic overview of the studies of science and art, and a little dash of sociology. The way I see it, I spent two years studying stuff that didn't really get me much closer to a future, but they do allow me to drop this dull course so at least they count for something. Right? I know, "education for education's sake is never a waste", but that course was also three hours long every Wednesday night, and only about two small sections of the scheduled topics to be learned really interested me. Of course, it could be a good opportunity to make new friends... holy crap how I wish I had some good friends in these classes! It would make it so much more fun if I had someone to enjoy the minimum three-hour long classes with...

I've known for a long time now that I have an addictive personality. It just never really occurred to me how far this problem had spread.

If I do get exempted from the class, my schedule becomes even more open then it already had. And while I'm sure eventually I'll actually have art assignments to do, right now the profs are just breaking us in. So I have a LOT of free time...

I watched about half a season of How I Met Your Mother last night. I'm trying to fight the desire right now to just keep watching - I already threw back another two episodes after getting home. I enjoy it, yes, but I feel like such a waste. I'm paying all this money to live in Toronto and go to school in Toronto, and I'm doing things that I could do at home for free. I want to go to the gym again. I want to work on all the projects I've got - play guitar and write songs, draw pictures and design t-shirts, work on my movie script or my novel idea. But all I ever do is laze about. ADDICTION!

I kind of want to get a job. However, I'm wary of this idea. During the summer, I worked non-stop; partly for the money, but more because every time I didn't work for a day and I wasn't doing something with Rachel or my friends I started feeling useless. I started feeling like I was just throwing away my time. On the one hand, going out and hanging out with friends all the time with my spacious school schedule DOES cost money - moreso than I really have to be able to do it a lot. So a part time job would be great - earn the money I need to have fun without wasting my school savings. On the other hand, I can probably survive without having to work during the school year. I just feel like I need to do it. ADDICTION!

I'm addicted to attention, I know that for sure. I guess I always kind of did know, and I know that I've had this revelation before. It bothers me, needing this attention so much. But then once I do get it I forget all about being bothered by it. ADDICTION!

I've had a whole bunch of other ideas for posts pop into my mind. But I never write them right when I think of them, and before too long they are no longer applicable or timely so I don't right them at all... It's because I worry that if I post too consistently or regularly not everyone will get a chance to read my older post. Or have a chance to comment on it. ADDICTION!

Well, you know what, screw that. I may not know what I'm going to do about all my other problems, but I can certainly go cold turkey on this stupid one!

Credentials

2009-09-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is old. Though I think only Dan would really know that...

Finally, someone found a way to somewhat explain my opinions of "indie" films and general distaste thereof.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail203.html

My own case-in-point? The more recent filmography of one Michael Cera...

Juno

Superbad

Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist

Paper Heart

Year One*

Youth in Revolt

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

*the one recent film of Michael's that can be categorized more as "mainstream". Ie: saving grace? or maybe just a random point in the pattern...

Stupid Tongue

2009-08-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

It really bothers me how every time there's something at or about my work that I want to finally get out and complain about, some new event or get-together or something else comes up that I want to do/have. So I hold my tongue in order not to ruin my chances of getting this thing.

The day I finally do get to complain I'll probably be so filled with pent-up rage somebody will be shot. Don't ask me where I'll find the gun though...

Hardy Har Har

2009-07-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

So, now that my "summer" is almost 4/5 over, what have I been doing with my time? You know, since nobody sees or hears much word from me?

In a word. Working. Followed by another word. Nothing.

Most days after I finish work between 6:15 and 6:45 are then followed with a ten to fifteen minute shower and a forty-five minute dinner with the fam. Not that I'm complaining, the family time is nice and it's nice to feel like a part of the family again. But then it's usually almost 8:00 and i have between two and three hours to do something else before I start thinking about sleeping. You have no idea how long i've wanted to play Majora's Mask. I'm still waiting for that opportune moment...

One thing that I have taken up, unfortunately for my lack of free time, is webcomics. You can blame Least I Could Do's crossover event - ima sucker for crossover events. Suffice to say that I now religiously read...

Least I Could Do
Girls With Slingshots
Questionable Content
XKCD
Penny Arcade
Player Vs Player

While still regularly checking

White Ninja Comics
HomestarRunner
VGCats (mostly for the Super Effective which is never updated. Ass)

I'm also looking forward to this one's return.

Butternut Squash

Entirely Nico's fault.

So now all of you can be trapped in the horrible vortex that I am. Can't wait for school and more free time. Although I'll probably just find more ways to waste it. Ugh.

In an unrelated, but mostly related, note, I have decided that it would be terrible to live in a webcomic. Or any serialized comic for that matter, although I stopped reading them the day we stopped getting newspapers. To be constantly trapped in a world where even the most deep and dark moments of your existence are forcibly made into jokes. If those characters were real, they would have killed themselves ages ago. Hence their immortality in comic form.

Just getting constantly pumped for the funny.

note from rachel: jon writes blogs like english essays. and is embarrassingly nerdy. also, apparently any time spent with me is equal to NOTHING.

Tick Tock

2009-06-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

i really have nothing to add here, but i guess i've gotten kind of attached to this blog. or rather, addicted. and am suddenly unable to see a whole month go by without a post to mark th fact that i was on here that month. so here it is...

i have a watch tan. it's not very clear, mostly because my crazy arm tan is like most normal people's normal skin tone. but it's there.

that is all for now.

Soap 3

2009-05-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Random thought

If I were a mad scientist, or just someone looking to cause a lot of chaos and destruction (but let's not use the T word here...), I would totally create some new germ weapon or disease and makes it's carrier bars of soap.

Think about it. Not only would I manage to infect millions super fast, but I'd cause even more destruction once the public realized it was the soap that was the danger and everybody stopped cleaning themselves. Think of the germs! Think of the disease! It'd be like the black plague all over again...

Sometimes I scare myself with what I come up with in my head...

Oh, and an update on the epic.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/9/large.html

So Shuffle

2009-05-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

So just about everyone else is posting about their jobs (makes sense, that is what we're all doing right now...), so I figured I'd join in a little bit.

My job, on good days, keeps me busy enough to not start watching my watch hands move while not bringing me to the point of a full body shut-down. However, a lot of it is still far from mentally stimulating, so I often find my mind wandering to whatever it used to wander to in my old ADD posts.

That being said, I can only remember on thought I've had recently at work right now.

If there is ever a zombie apocalypse, or we all need to get out and fight guerrilla-style against some sort of common enemy other than zombies, i call being the guy that gets to wield the shotgun. Most awesome-est weapon ever.

My job also allows for a fair bit of iPod listening, making shuffle songs one of my new favourite options. However, I think there's a little too much coincidence in Apple's shuffle option as opposed to another devices random. To prove my point, i have nearly 2764 songs right now...

1) Within one hour of one day 3 of the songs played were by The Hush Sound, of which I only have 19 songs...
2) That same day also played two songs by k-os one after the other (I only have 26 songs): Neutroniks and Papercutz. They were both from "Joyful Rebellion" as well...
3) Another day the shuffle option played Apollo I: The Writing Writer and Apollo II: The Telling Truth, both songs by Coheed and Cambria, within twenty minutes of eachother. Although I think that those two songs being played at all in the same day is pretty strange...
4) I have three versions of Kidnap The Sandy Claws on my computer: the movie version, Danny Elfman's original demo version, and a cover version by She Wants Revenge. One day two of those three songs were played...
5) There have been a bunch of other Hush Sound-style coincidences where a bunch of songs played in one day are by one artist who I don't have a lot of (Coldplay: 17 songs, 3 played; The Hush Sound: 19 songs, 4 played; Incubus: 15 songs, 2 played; The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: 13 songs, 3 played, and two were of my six ocarina songs...)

And yeah, that's my job and how bored I am with it. Enjoy the links (I added links!)

Are You Not Entertained?

2009-04-27T17:13:00.001-07:00

here's something weird that I remembered about myself yesterday. because, you know, there's never enough weird things about me as is. always got to be more...

back when gladiator came out, i couldn't quite wrap my mind around it. for some reason, i thought that all movies were only ever about the present time. or, at the utmost most, movies could only be based in a time that could still be faked thanks to buildings or settings that were still around - like the patriot, which also came out that year. but there was no way in my mind that a movie could be based in a time as long ago as the height of the roman empire - i thought that if anything gladiator had to be some sort of weird movie about a man who thought he was a gladiator and was trying to recreate roman times in the present.

i didn't actually see gladiator until a long time later, and then when i finally did it just blew my mind. s'probably why it's one of my favourite movies now...

Depressing?

2009-04-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

So, whenever I talk to anyone about what kind of music they listen to, there's one thing that's always the same.

"I hate country"

And it sort of clicked with me yesterday that I dont really understand why. If you look at all the other genres out there, why is country the one that's so unanimously hated? It's mostly just guitar and simple melodies - just like a whole of other genres (pop, pop rock, punk rock, pop punk, etc...)

You think less people would hate it and hate things like, oh I dont know, death metal.

Roight

2009-04-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

man, now everybody's blogging, and here i am with absolutely nothing to say!

already moved home, though all my stuff is still in boxes. going to paint my new cubicle room before i attempt to cram all my junk into it. on that note - got to get rid of some of my junk!

one exam monday - spanish. im terrified right now that i'm not going to study at all for it, just like my midterm. and i did not do good at all on my midterm.

no es bueno!

My Skull Bit

2009-03-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

I think I've uncovered another piece to the puzzle that is the way I tick from underneath the dusty old couch that is my life.

My memory seems to be fixated on remembering every detail of every interaction i make in my life with other people, but it is especially clear whenever something bad happens to me. So while most people would forget a casual joke made in bad humour during a breif passing, or the fact that I was actually the one who gave them the joke that made them so freakin' popular... (am I angry? no...), I remember it for a very VERY long time.

Ugh, my mind is a trainwreck. A trainwreck purposely caused to destroy me.

Just keep thinking happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

Good thing: this doesn't happen when I'm with you. That's why all I can remember are the good moments. <3

I Only Went For Costumes...

2009-03-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

i just got "The Dark Knight Returns" from Value Village for five dollars.
(it usually costs probably somewhere around twenty dollars. minimum.)

this brings my total number of graphic novels to three, and they are all published by... DC???
(i have a couple condensed X-Men comic books, but those don't count as graphic novels.)

does this make me an addicted nerd? or an obsessed geek? or just a thrifty fan of comic books?

(i also got three Spiderman comic books for about five dollars. the first story line to introduce Carnage. i intend to sell them when i'm old for at least twice what i got them for...)

20 Something

2009-02-24T10:08:00.000-08:00

At first I didn't think much of turning twenty. Im not sure if that's still true or not.

Thoughts/things that have crossed my mind today.

1. My body is aching. Of course, it was aching a little bit before today, but now it's really really hurting. Of course of course, that could also just be because im hitting up the gym again after a week and a half of a much more lax, work-related work out. Or because i haven't had any fruit in about as long. But then the thought creeps into my head that maybe my body really is starting to feel the wear of age...

2. I'm really tired too. Once again, it's probably just related to my terrible sleep schedule during reading week translating into a continued terrible sleep schedule back here. Or maybe i'm getting older...

3. It just occurred to me that for some strange reason I'm glad I shaved off my beard. I feel younger, so it fits more with me only turning 20. If I had kept the lumberjack look for today, i dont know, it would have just felt weird. And now I feel stupid for caring so much about turning 20...

4. I haven't posted on my birthday in two years now.

I'll continue to add thoughts/things as they come to me today. Right now though, I'm going to go eat an apple...

Well ... Hell

2009-02-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

I dont know what to think anymore about my current situation. At first I thought having only one class and a play to work at this semester would be great. Of course, I was also expecting to get a job to fill the open void of space, and that just panned out spectacularly. So then I thought I could spend my free hours working on creative things...

I just can't understand where all my time goes. So far as I can tell, I really DONT spend that much time being lazy or unproductive or distracted. But take today for instance. I have nothing scheduled today except for a vocal rehearsal later tonight, yet I still managed to get out of bed by about 9. I was at the gym by about 10, got home by about noon. Then all I did was take a shower, make some lunch, update all my internet stuff (given, there was a little youtubing involved...) and then do my spanish homework for tomorrow. Now I have about two hours before I have to be back at school for rehearsal. And I want to do something creative, but at the same time I know I also have to make myself some sort of dinner, otherwise I won't eat until muuuch later tonight...

I thought things were bad for my creative self when I had a full courseload to do, but turns out it's just as bad now that I'm free. I have become far too attached to being lazy and unproductive, I've forgotten the person I used to be. I'm going home for reading week three days early this year. To work. A part of me knows this is good: i'll make money and get more active and blah blah blah. A bigger part of me doesnt want to go home at all, it just wants to stay here in guelph and veg, catch up on lost sleep, maybe hang out with the friends i never make time for, actually have a bit of a vacation. But then again, as everyone else would tell me, my whole friggin' semester is one big vacation...

Then how come I'm not having any fun?

PS: I was asked to write another "deep" post, but it is just as clear to me now as it was before that my mind only connects "deep" with "depressing". So I dunno if i'll do this again. The spanish titled posts were good...

Thoughts?

El Desayuno

2009-01-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

So, I'm eating my cereal, reading the Alpha-Bits box out of sheer lack of other things to do while I'm eating my cereal. When I come upon a little line of text near the bottom of the box, pretty small type and with all attention being drawn away from it by Alpha, that crazy computer.

"Skim Milk Recommended"

That's just what I need - my breakfast telling me what to do...

Ducharse

2009-01-26T10:17:00.001-08:00

Random question that popped into my head today. There's probably a very obvious answer to it, and it will probably come to me sooner or later. But for the here and now, this one's a puzzler. To me...

Why do sinks have two knobs, one for hot water and one for cold, and most showers only have one knob that controls both?

La Ropa

2009-01-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

I bought my first pair of sweat pants today. As of right now, I don't know if I'll start wearing them around the house. I didn't do that with pyjama pants, and I've had those for a whole lot longer. They might just stick to being my dance pants. I just really like wearing jeans; I feel incomplete/lazy if I don't have real clothes on...

If I work at Buffalo David Bitton I have to own/wear a pair of Buffalo David Bitton jeans for every shift. So they could end up being the entirety of my jean purchasing for the next year or so. Unless I come into a large sum of money...

I definitely need to buy new shoes, if only to save me my socks. Right now I need to wear a fresh pair of socks everytime I go outside because my shoes absorb so much slush and water. Very uncomfortable. Probably not too healthy either...

At Least The Pattern Survived

2008-12-29T06:54:00.000-08:00

well, this is it. the end of another year. there were so many posts I wanted to post, and now i'm out of time...

i'll just have to leave you all with this i suppose

http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/9/

tim burton and coheed and cambria joining forces?!?! definitely one of the things i'll be looking forward to most in the coming year.

and i'll see y'all next year...

Endnotes

2008-12-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

when last i was at home (home home, not my new home)[1] the wireless internet that my family has had decided to no longer accept my computer as a full-time friend, only a part-time acquaintance.[2] by this, i mean that i could check my hotmail, but facebook refused to load. and youtube was a mess, while wikipedia was fine. and there was constant stalling, even more so then usual for a farm-based high-speed. and don't even get me started on trying to access this blog, or anyone else's for that matter. i was to the point that if i saw the OpenDNS page show up one more time, telling me that the site i asked for did not exist, and whether i meant to type headtrappedintheclouds.blogspot.com (which i already did), only to tell me that site did not exist either when clicking their link and ask me whether i wished to try the exact same link again, i was going to explode in a fiery ball of rage that could only be quelled by the death of my mactop in the cold winter snow...

but now i've got an early Christmas miracle, and the internet seems to have made a move towards reconciling with my computer, who was the bigger man throughout this drama, never calling anyone any names.[3] and what do i find? that every bloody person in my blogging circle has updated. honestly, i was gone for one day, what's all the hubbub about?

regardless, i feel like i should join in. hence the post, even though i really have nothing interesting to say at all. seems everyone else having something interesting to say has left me completely dry of material. which, of course, only fuels the feelings from before about this stupid blog.

HOWEVER, upon further analysis of my own condition, i have determined to try and fight off the depression and say something a little happier in this, my second to last post of 2008[4]. Even though I have no idea what to say...

I never realized how much I'm into symmetry.[5] Like, right now, I'm looking at this post so far, and I don't like how it starts with one big paragraph and then three smaller ones. It feels like it should be big paragraph/small paragraph/big paragraph, or something like that. Patterns are the way to go, as far as I'm concerned. Of course, the constant writer's block really throws a wrench in those plans. Looking at this post, I also realize that I don't want it to be this long when I have nothing of great importance to say. Nobody wants to read this much dribble. And even if by another early Christmas miracle they do, I don't really like the look of such a gigantic blob of white text sitting on my blog page. Too boring. For whatever reason, when I post off of my mac I have absolutely none of the creative options for spicing up the text that I might have on the household pc, i've no idea why.[6] buuut i'm getting whiny again. moving on...

I want to write at least one song this Christmas holiday. I think that is a reasonable goal in and amongst all the other chaos that will be going on. We'll see. Other than that though, I think I'll leave any other plans I might have in the dark. Makes it much easier for me when I fail at achieving them when nobody else knows about them. Oops, happening again...

One left. [7]

[1] I love my Guelph home so much more these days. I love living on my own. The house I grew up in no longer feels like a home to me. It feels like I'm just visiting, i'd feel about the same in any of your houses as I do right here, right now.
[2] I had realized this confrontation a lot earlier in reality. I think it has something to do with Snowflake growing accustomed to my new home internet and not being able to synch back up with the old internet when she comes back for a visit.
[3] Fingers crossed this miracle is here to stay. Otherwise I'm going to lose a lot of my connection with the outside world for a couple weeks. Going on the family computer just isn't the same, nor do I have near the amount of accessibility with it as I do with Snowflake.
[4] What's this? Could there be a 2009? Only time will tell, I'm still jumping drastically back and forth between the ideas of shutting this baby down and keeping her plugged in. I'm also tossing about the idea of a secret new blog though, or something waaay better...
[5] That last line was a complete lie. I love symmetry. I've known that for about forever now.
[6] Hence the reason I can't make these endnotes their proper superscript size. And why I'm going a little over kill on the bolding, one of the few options I'm given on this mac. I really need to learn me a bit of computer speech, get a little more techno savvy. Dave?
[7] See endnote #4...

I Know I Said I'd Write Then, But...

2008-12-06T21:07:00.001-08:00

Hey! That feeling I mentioned before (Old News) is back!

Technically, the feeling that is that feeling i was feeling way back then has been back all day. It has only just now surfaced its ugly head in blog form.

Feels good to get it out when it showed up, instead of trying to remember what it felt like a week later...

That's a lot of "feeling"

DEFINITE feeling: 2 more posts...

Powerless

2008-11-30T16:40:00.000-08:00

Right now I feel completely powerless. It feels like I can't help anyone.

I want to help cheer you up, but nothing seems to work. And now I have to help the family, so the one thing that I could have done to cheer you up is getting shortened. Hopefully not cancelled entirely.

I hate this feeling. But at least there's only about two more weeks of it.

I'll write again then.

3 more posts...

Old News (?)

2008-11-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

This blog (?)

I'm not really sure now. I was sure a couple days ago, but now I'm not. We'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Counting down from four...

Mandatory Post

2008-11-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

I have a kind-of chronic fear of manholes. At least the grate-style ones with big open holes.

It's not that I'm afraid of falling through them or anything. I'm just scared that something on my person will fall through the grate and I'll lose it in the sewers. Ipod, cellphone, house keys, etc etc etc.

My fear hasn't developed to the point where I avoid all manholes in the street. But I still grip everything I'm holding or that's in my pockets really tightly when I walk over them.

...

Yeah, I've got nothing better to talk about right now.

It Hit Me Like A Wave

2008-11-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

I just can't win. In order to get ahead in my assignments, I sentence an entire weekend to being devoid of fun. But then I end up having all sorts of free time when nobody else does. And then I start doing my homework, and everybody wants to hang out. So I go to have fun instead of what I should be doing. But it's not really fun, because I end up coming out of it with another of those lovely downers...

November 11, 1:58am.

I can't wait to live on my own and just forget about all this shite. I've had more then enough of actions and words I can no longer interpret as friendly. They'll miss using me when I'm no longer here, and knowing that gives me a sick thrill...

A depressing thought. For a day of solemnness. Sorry, that's about the most equivalent post I can conjure up right now.

I've got my poppy. Do you?

Zombie Or Vampire?

2008-10-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

My apologies to J-Wei for the blatant rip-off of her posting archetype...

Top 10 Hallow's Een Songs (for a Hallow's Een Playlist)

10. The Monster Mash (Bobbby "Boris" Pickett)
9. Kernkraft 400 (Zombie Nation)
8. I Hear You Calling (Gob)
7. I Put A Spell On You (Screamin' Jay Hawkins)
6. Vicarious (Tool)
5. Halloween (3)
4. Disturbia (Rihanna)
3. Thriller (Michael Jackson)
2. Zombies Ate My Neighbours (Single File)
1. This Is Halloween (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

Honourable Mentions

Zombie - The Cranberries
Weighty Ghost - Wintersleep
Bones - The Killers
Monster - 3
Devil In A Midnight Mass - Billy Talent
The Ghost Of You - My Chemical Romance
Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
Oogie Boogie's Song - The Nightmare Before Christmas
Du Hast - Rammstein
All You Zombies - The Hooters
They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh! - Sufjan Stevens

I love this "holiday"...

And Now For Something...

2008-10-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to post this post for a long time now. But first I had to figure out all that other lovely angsty garbage. However, now that that's all out of my system...

America Ferrera. Jordin Sparks.

Is it bad that I get these two confused ALL THE TIME? I mean, they are clearly the same person.

Two More Months

2008-10-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Now that Thanksgiving is over, all I have left to keep me going is Christmas. But then things will all be a-okay again...

Blegh

2008-09-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a positive thought that struck me today...

I have become exactly what I thought a university student would be, appearance wise at least. When I was younger, I used to look up to people exactly like what I am right now.

So that's pretty awesome...

Personal Reminder

2008-09-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

I have to get out of here. It's not me. Not in the slightest. I need to get out of English, take something else entirely? Art? History is pretty interesting, but could I handle the workload? Maybe a business degree? Just not English. And not Guelph.

This is just a personal reminder. So that on those days when I come back from class brainwashed by a good day into thinking that this could work, I will remember that it can't.

Same Shit, Different Year

2008-09-08T07:19:00.001-07:00

I can categorize post-secondary education students (not narrowing my perspective to just University) into two groups.

1) Those following their dreams, taking courses they enjoy, dealing with what is often a huge workload but loving every part of it, in particular the lack of angst they feel over doing something they don't enjoy. They may or may not have difficulty in the future finding stable jobs, but they don't care, because at the very least they are happy.

2) Those studying something that may not be something they love, but they know that they will have stable lives in the future with secure jobs. They may not be enjoying school all the time, the workload may often be too much to handle, but they get through it because they have clear goals set in place that they know are achievable. They work hard to produce the skills that they know will get them places in the future. And because of this, they often still have plenty of fun. After all, what's a few grade points now when you'll be financial well off and happy in the future?

I do not love English. That much I have always known. Nor do I have the skills it takes to make English into a successful, stable career as, what?, a teacher? There is no other option with English for me. Which brings me back to the question I keep asking myself: Why am I here???

I HAVE to find out an answer to that question. And not just in a year's time. In a year's time, I will have potentially (most likely?) wasted two full years of my life going down a path I can't see myself following. I need to figure out what I'm doing in the next few months. Before the end of the semester maximum...

The 5 Is Insignificant

2008-09-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

Reason #5 Why University Annoys Me

Why is it that I am always recognizing people, but none of them remember who I am?

Just didn't feel like starting at one is all...

EDIT

Reason #23 Why University Annoys Me

Huge blocks of space in between classes that are too short to go home or do anything, but long enough to make me wish I was dead.

Not Even Unusual Anymore

2008-08-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

You know hot lips? Like, the candy? We had some at work today. Last shift, btw! About freakin' time, that's all I have to say about that...

Well, anyways. Hot lips. I realized something about myself and them tonight when I heard their name mentioned by one of my coworkers. I brought them all corn today. Kind of in celebration of my last day of work at Cardinal! What what! No more drunken, smelly golfers for me, no sir! Just a bunch of drunken, smelly teenagers! Yeah!

But, back to the point. Hot lips. I realized tonight that for the longest time I thought they were called "hot lips" because they were hot candies. Like cinnamon hearts or that sort of thing. But they are probably really called "hot lips" because of the stereotype of big, luscious, red lips being attractive, or "hot" if you will. And I suppose being made of candy only sweetens the deal...

And by "the longest time", I mean that when this thought crossed my mind tonight, it was the first time it ever did. In my life.

Period.

Name Changes

2008-08-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

So, when I said that I had ten days left for my short story, I actually only had eight. Which means right now I only have four days left before the deadline for my short story. Which is okay, because I'm just about done. Five hours of non-stop editing and re-writing in one day will do that to you...

In other news, did anybody else see any warnings about A Channel changing it's name to just plain A? Cause I sure didn't. It just sort of happened ... just this evening. I mean, when The New VR changed it's name to A Channel, they were warning up for an entire summer. What's up with that???

August Deadline

2008-08-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I need to be writing right now. But it's just so hard to do when I need to do it the most. For a couple days I had a good pattern going; write for an hour before going to sleep, finish nearly two pages every night. But that was back when I had no "distractions" around or about; nothing to do but work on my future.

Everybody, yell at me! I have exactly 10 days before my future is decided for me simply by my lack of enthusiasm...

Pfft

2008-07-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

Finally, an answer to the question that I never asked anybody!

The Question: What is with this sudden "Twilight" craze/fad/faze/crad? Where did it come from oh so suddenly, and why?

The Answer: "Twilight" is filling the void within all the little Harry Potter fans' hearts now that their series has ended. Huge market there...

The Coincidence(?): Look at how's starring in the new "Twilight" movie. Or, more specifically, look at what other film he's famous for...

In other news, the mystery show ... remains a mystery.

And y'all thought I wasn't gonna make it...

That's Just How My Mind Runs

2008-07-28T22:46:00.000-07:00

So, I thought up this list while skinning and trimming 150 onions whose stench now coats every inch of me...

Top Five Scariest Episodes Of Children's Shows From My Childhood

5. Mystery Show From My Past

I can't remember the show very well, but I can recall it being in a swamp, and the animal characters were puppets. And there was an alligator who worked in a shop owned by some sort of pink-skinned punk lizard/newt thing. And there was also some sort of swamp-thing/mud monster character who lived in the deepest muckiest part of the swamp. Anyways, the scariest episode was when the swamp-thing character became a vampire for some reason I cannot remember. And he spent most of the episode stalking the poor moronic alligator character, who was the only one who realized that he was a vampire at all. I can remember a couple close calls when the swamp-thing almost had the alligator in his grasps, they are now so vivid in my mind. Near the end of the episode, the swamp-thing character has a big musical number in a dark valley surrounded by all his mind-controlled minions (thinking about it now, the swamp-thing may have only gained hypnotizing powers, and being an ignorant four year old, i thought that's what vampires did...). Pretty terrifying stuff, what with all the glowing green eyes and hideous blank faces. But that wasn't even the worst part. At the very end of the episode, the swamp-thing is back in his home, completely normal. But the camera pans up to his ceiling to reveal a sinister looking black shadow. Then the shadow starts talking in a deep dark voice about how he will control the king and rule the world. Followed by a deep, sinister laugh as the screen fades to black. The first time i saw that episode, i wasn't expecting the ending, and couldn't sleep well for at least a week (i'm assuming). And I never watched that episode fully again. Always walked away from the tv right before the ending...

4. The Adventures of Dudley the Dragon

The episode was called "The Dragon and the Toxin". In it, Dudley and his little children friends find a bottle of poison and, not knowing what it is, open it. In doing so, they release this scary skeleton man in a pinstripe suit named Vernon. Vernon starts of seemingly friendly, but his games quickly become sinister and dangerous, and most of the rest of the episode involves Dudley and the kids trying to run away from Vernon. I can't even remember how the episode ends or if they ever manage to stop the poison man and save themselves. What I do remember, though, is one scene where Dudley and his friends are hiding out inside their friend the whale, and they look through her spyhole and see Vernon swimming methodically towards them, and sinister smile on his face. Absolutely terrifying!

3. Wishbone

The halloween episode where Wishbone imagines himself in The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. For the most part, this episode was actually really cool and interesting, not scary. The kids had to solve all sorts of cool halloween puzzles to win a halloween scavenger hunt race. But then near the very end of the episode they have to enter the old haunted mansion, and Joe retells his childhood experience with the house; where he walks up to the door and it bursts open and two glowing yellow eyes stare out at him from the blackness (closed my eyes at this part in the episode). Eventually Joe's friends convince him to enter the house, and they win the game. Then for some reason they look down the staircase to the basement, and see the eyes from Joes past! Just before I was going to have a panic attack, though, it turns out that the eyes just belonged to a black cat. Joe and his friends leave the house laughing together, but the camera stays focused on the darkness at the bottom of the basement stairs. Then, all of a sudden, the real pair of glowing eyes appear!!!

2. Pingu

Everybody seems to know this episode, where Pingu has the nightmare about the giant walrus. It starts out happy enough; Pingu dreams that his bed suddenly comes alive and takes him for rides. However, during their games, a gigantic walrus is sneaking up behind them. The walrus then grabs and eats Pingu's bed friend while Pingu watches in horror. Then the walrus spends the rest of his time messing around with Pingu's plasticine body. The worst part was the evil laugh that the walrus always made.

1. Ghost Writer

Easily the most scarring event in my childhood: the three part episode about the Purple Slime Monster. The kids are trying to write the scariest story possible in order to win a contest, so they write one about an evil toy in a black leather jacket made of purple goo that covers you in his slime and then takes you away. And the purple slime monster always had some scary line or taunt to say in his mechanical, deep, dark voice. And no matter how the kids tried to kill him, the slime monster only ever got more powerful. I can remember spending most of those episodes curled up in a ball on my dad's lap. The worst part about it was the fact that ghost writer was one of my favourite shows, so i wanted nothing to more than watch it. But every time i opened my eyes the slime monster would be facing the screen, smiling evilly at me...

Well, that's it. How many of these episodes did you watch? DId you watch the whole thing?? Do you even know what shows or episodes they are??? Looking at that list, I am amazed that every one of those shows I watched on TVO Kids as a kid. No wonder I'm so messed up and maladjusted now...

The Pattern Is Falling Apart!!!

2008-07-25T17:22:00.001-07:00

Augh! Need something to post on. Some sort of random idea. Random thought. Random intuition. Anything!!!

...

Suggestions?

Soap 2

2008-07-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

Hypothetical situation: You find a bar of soap sitting in a pool of unrecognizable filth. Anything and everything disgusting you can think of, it's in that filth, touching that bar of soap. You really need to shower, but are personally without soap. Do you use the sludge soap? I mean, it's soap. It's not like it can get dirty...

Post script: Happy 50 Posts, me!

Post post script: Haha. "Post" script...

One More Heart To Break

2008-06-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Time's up!

Nothing to see here, folks. But maybe in the near future something wonderful will begin to happen. Something musical. Something collaboration-al. Something within the family. Something involving the family.

Not getting the picture? Think Chevelle...

"After all, what's the point, cause levitation is possible..."

Two more months to go. But I'm starting to enjoy this time, so there's no rush.

Currently making a new "Play Softly" playlist. Only 20 songs, because that's all that fits on compact disc these days. How do you make MP3 discs? Whatever. The challenge is what I live for. It can't just be what she's heard, there has to be new stuff too. Bigger and better. Or at least just better...

Cheerio! (Six weeks = 4% cholesterol decrease...)

My Mind Is Like An Atom Bomb

2008-06-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

Because time is short and I have a pattern to continue, I will join and leave you with this simple thought:

Today I was in the best mood I've been in for at least a year.

June's not over yet...

Hermits And Hermit Crabs

2008-06-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

we have successfully taken this over from those who ran it previously. we are officially the post-masters now. here's to us, ladies and gentlemen. here's to the future.

things i have yet to accomplish this summer: write a short story by august, 8-10 pages long for application to creative writing course next year. make significant progress to "novel" that everybody at the CWS wants to read so much. finish AT LEAST one song, AT LEAST. paint, draw, sketch, sculpt, and all other arty things. finish Duplicity. start and finish comedic shorts avec Daniel.

what do you do when life has got you down? it's not so easy when you're told that you can always do the things you enjoy in your spare time, but then you end up too tired from the things you have to do first to actually use your spare time for anything productive. that is why my list is still so long. that is why next month, when i look back at this list, it will probably be the exact same length as it is right now.

this is a message for the me in the future: get your act together.
this is a message from the me in the future: it can't be done. you'll understand soon enough...

flashlights in the bedroom** is an excellent source for motivation. maybe i can pull something together with it's help. maybe it will be something i like better. my ring finger is short one ring. i'll have to get that back in the near future; im actually catching myself fiddling with my ring finger like there's still a ring on it.

* * * * *

it's 2:02, and i should be asleep. but i know that you didn't come here for my self-loathing. you came to see the human circus. it's kind of like a flea circus, except it's just me. and it's not a huge scam. i used to have collection of cartoon insects, one of whom was named "da flea". he was based on "the cheat" from homestarrunner famedom.

fame? or fortune? i'm pretty sure fame equals fortune in most cases, unless it is infamy. but looking at it now, i'm starting to think i'd rather take the fortune and just live a quiet, peaceful life somewhere far, far away. like Australia. i'll support you now, you can support me in Australia? we'll make t-shirts together and live a peaceful little existence. fair trade?

at work we have "rainforest aware" coffee, which always reminds me of fair trade coffee. it has a little, green poison-arrow frog as it's symbol. how did the poison-arrow frog become the mascot of the rainforest? what about the piranha? or the tapir? actually, the jaguar would probably be the best choice...

i don't know a lot about cars. if i were to actually get a car right now, i wouldn't have a clue what to get. probably the cheapest one. but as far as looks go, i know diddly-squat. as far as style goes, i'm living about twenty years behind. it's all about the retro. super nintendo games still blow the new systems out of the water. why do you think they can sell single game cartridges for over one hundred dollars???

i haven't been swimming in probably close to a year now. i think i'm forgetting how. i never got past the fourth badge. my mom used to sew them onto my mickey mouse towel, up in the upper left-hand corner. classic mickey mouse, like the original drawn by walt disney. steamboat willy-era. one time at swimming lessons i saw a kid who had the exact same towel. with badges sewn in his upper left-hand corner. he was about five lessons ahead of me. i wanted that lime green badge really bad. i don't think i ever had coke with lime. great commercial song though. cherry coke was amazing. i remember the commercial with the man riding the ostrich through the grocery store, making a awful mess. i also remember sitting in a tent with my cousin in his backyard; drinking cherry coke and listening to the water-buffalo song.

another proof of my deprivation of a childhood: i didn't watch/know anything about VeggieTales until grade four.

Quotation Marks For Proper Titles

2008-06-04T21:40:00.001-07:00

Some people just won't get off my case, will they? And yes, I remember a couple months ago when I asked y'all to keep on my case. So bonus points to those few who stuck to their guns. Funny fact: now that "Paramount Canada's Wonderland" in just plain old "Canada's Wonderland" all the rides named after Paramount movies have been renamed. And not good names either. "Top Gun" is now "Flightdeck". *eshudder* I need to go to Canada's Wonderland this summer. Gotta ride "Behemoth"! Canada's biggest steel coaster? Am I right in assuming that? I think I heard that somewhere...

I remember going to Marineland once. Rachel was really really young. Like ride-in-stroller young. So it must have been at least five to six years ago. And they had the greatest roller coaster I had ever seen. "Dragon Mountain". "Canada's longest steel roller coaster". Marineland probably hates Canada's Wonderland now. Because, really, who goes to just see the belugas anymore? I feel bad for those whales. Such big animals. Such tiny tanks...

Super Battle Tank 2. David owns that game for our Super Nintendo. It's terrible - we never play it. Subsequently, that was the last game David bought for our Super Nintendo. I have a credit card now. That's not a good thing. Ebay is about to take all of my money. All of crazy rare and expensive Super Nintendo games. And Amory War comic books. And something else. I can't remember what though. And there's no stopping to think about it now...

Gotta take everything one step at a time these days. No more trying to do everything all at once. And no more doing little pieces of different things at different times either. Just one thing, finish it, then move on. Well, except for music. That's just sort of on the side. Although, I have already said many times that I do art on the side. So i suppose that would place music on the side of the side. Or, maybe that means music has gone full circle, and is now sitting on my left hand side...

Kelly Clarkson. I can still never truly appreciate her, because she was a part of that cesspool of television entitled "American Idol". In fact, she's probably one of the main reasons it succeeded so well. I can't ever truly appreciate Chris Daughtry either. Maybe if he had had the brains to at least make his group name something other than his own name. Then maybe I could have forgotten his connections to the cesspool. I need a new group name. I need disconnection from the cesspool. But the only good one's I've thought up so far are "The Jade Fragrant Methadone" and "The Tobias Project". But the first one sounds more like a song title than a group title. And the second one does not disconnect. Input?

I don't think my Mactop has an input key. What's an input key? Running out of steam. Too distracted by conversations and Kris Van Soelen. Which is never a good thing. This one did not come out quite like some of my other ones. But it's not bad. It's progression. Progression is a basic part of life. Life is an amazing cereal. Except I can seem to get the right amount of milk on it. The sogginess is never quite right, because all I seem to taste is the milk, not the cereal. It's like I'm supersaturating the Life. Chemistry was fun in grade 12. I don't know how I ever managed to get such a good mark, I was easily the dumbest one in the group. Not to mention that we distracted Miss Campbell at least once every single class. She's married now, and Mr. Templeton is coming to Guelph. Which is where I am staying for next year. Templeton is the rat from "Charlotte's Web". We got our VHS copy of that movie from McDonalds, back when McDonalds gave out movies (can you remember those times? I can. I only ever got milk with my Happy Meals. Didn't like pop, it was too unhealthy. I wish I could be more like my younger self again...) We also got "The Land Before Time". The original one. IE: the only good one. I totally called that they would eventually make one that involved an ice age. Which is ridiculous. But they did it. The new "Ice Age" movie is going to be all about dinosaurs. "Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs". I suppose Hollywood writers don't need to be very fluent in basic science or history. Maybe I don't belong there. Maybe I can bring change to that world, make it a better place. We also got "Wayne's World" from McDonalds. Excellent movie. Shame what happened to the actors though...

I think I just de-progressed a little...

Cardinals

2008-05-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

if everyone else is scrambling desperately for more money, why am i not worrying too? i only make $9.00 an hour. and i don't even get 40 hours a week...

Done With This?

2008-05-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

holy crap, time is moving too slowly

...

screw it

i'm clearly too cowardly to actually say what i'm feeling in these posts - that's why i make everything so cryptic. but if i expect anyone to actually get it and ask what's going on and if they can help at all, then i'm just pathetic.

so since i don't seem to want to tell people what's going on, i'll just go back to pretending that nothing is wrong at all. if any of you manage to figure out the truth from the puzzles for posts i left behind, then i'm more than willing to talk.

until then, though...

:D

Redefined

2008-05-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

I hate driving now. It gives me waaaay too much time to think about myself, my life, and what a huge sham it all really is. That's the word of the day, children: sham. S-H-A-M. Something that is not what it purports to be; a spurious imitation; fraud or hoax; to make a false show of something; pretend.

In other news, I feel like an idiot for trusting my feelings. I no longer have a real reason for getting out of bed in the morning. And no, this is not just because I'm very very tired. I've been that all my [fake] life...

3, 4, 3, 4...

2008-04-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

I sense a pattern forming for 2008...

I'd just like to give a nice big middle finger to you, world. Because it is crystalline now that you are out to screw with me. I think I know what I want - but in order to get it there is the strong chance that many things will be broken, quite possibly forever. So am I simply supposed to give up on the thing that I clearly need just to keep those other things I need almost (if not just) as badly? "Am I not supposed to have what I want? What I need?" At least Spiderman understands me...

On the other hand, that thing I thought I wanted appears (to me) to finally be within reach. In fact, it's almost as if it's being given to me. So those long months of doubt, mental flip-flopping, self-loathing, and waves of depression were for nothing? Or maybe they were for something, but things have changed. Or I'm misreading the situation even now, and should in fact be continuing with my previous actions. But if it turns out the best possible option is, for once, the actual circumstance, do I even care anymore? I don't know. I was hurt, so now it doesn't feel right. Yet this turn of events could really hurt someone else, and that feels even worse...

My imagination is the worst best [read: only] friend I could have in these situations.

Not to even mention the complete and utter lack of enjoyment there is in my life. I work till I am too tired to work anymore. Then I wake up the next morning and do it again. Isn't life grand???

Nope. So world, the next time you think about moving my life forward towards the next stage, save your breath. I'd rather just stagnate until I decompose.

ps: you think you're mysterious, Maddy? try and decipher all this - even i'll have trouble figuring it out in the morning...

Post Post 40

2008-04-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

"I'm out of time and all I got is four minutes [freaky freaky] four minutes - Hey!"

Chapter 1 in my saga is complete. Now I have to survive the subplot. It's kind of like the fan fiction people write about movie characters during the in-between between movies about those characters.

And you know how those characters are so far too often portrayed by different actors? Or given a huge style change so that you hardly recognize them? That's what I want my character to have. I want to revamp my style this summer. Or, at the very least, revamp it in September when I head back to school. Crazy Thought: During my haircut yesterday a piece of hair stuck itself to my ear and I came to the conclusion that I would look good with an earring.

"If you want it you already got it. If you thought it it better be what you want" -- new favourite song. I've listened to it over twenty times in just a couple of hours, and haven't grown tired of it in the slightest yet.

And while on the topic of songs... one day till "The Grace", "Always", "Black Is The Colour Of My True Love's Heart", "Ending Of A Story"... you get the idea...

Room revamping. I don't want to live at home anymore. Mostly because I have the tiniest room imaginable. It seems everybody I know has at least a queen sized bed - all I've ever known is a single that no longer fits me. Five months from now could not be much farther away. Unless it was six months...

"Time is waiting. We only got four minutes to save the world! No hesitating. Grab a boy and grab a girl!"

One Positive Thought

2008-04-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Another qoute-unquote "deep" post. yippie-skippy...

I had a lot of time to think about these things during the drive home from Redeemer. Which was only further extended when I missed an exit and found myself in downtown Toronto just a couple blocks from the CN tower.

I am torn in pieces by the people around me. I don't see my old friends enough because I am constantly trying to make new friends. But none of my new "friends" actually know me at all. Therefore, it is doubtful that they care about me either. And my old friends are pushed away by my incessant talk about these new people. In short, I am left by myself.

I've been made to see how incredibly selfish of a person I really am. Everything that I have ever done in my life that I can think of, no matter what it was or why I did it or who I did it for, I was actually doing it for me. Even writing this post, all I can see are the "I"s and the "me"s. And it makes me sick to my stomach.

What do I do with the spare ticket? Two people to choose from, but would either of them even say yes anymore? Do I even want to go anymore? Stupid question, of course I do. But I don't want to go alone.

One will read this, one will not.

This has been one hell of a night...

One Positive Thought (To Keep Me Going): I listened to pretty much all of my best Coheed and Cambria. And sang along to at least half of them. I think my vocal range is expanding/improving...

April 2, 2008

2008-04-02T08:01:00.001-07:00

...

nah

Benito Cereno

2008-03-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

Backstreet Boys - Love Will Keep You Up All Night

Why is it that just when I was getting good at close readings, they stop giving me close reading assignments? Honestly, these article analysis's are horrid. Absolutely horrid.

I am give-or-take half way through my final assignment this semester. And by extension, this year (besides exams). But of course it has to be a four page article analysis! And I am about 99% sure that what I have so far will not get me a good mark at all. I got insanely lucky last time. I doubt lightning will /not/ strike twice...

Good thing I no longer care. All I want is to get this piece of crap done and over with. It's been too long since I had a purely enjoyable time at university. I could use one. Bad.

Hey, O'Quinn. I'm going to want the next twelve hours of my life back You got that?...

Backstreet Boys - Unmistakable

A Message About The Future?

2008-03-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Who here can remember the Alpha Bits Wizard? I was just buying some more cereal to top me off for the week, when I noticed the Alpha Bits box and started reminiscing. I remember one commercial where the wizard took the children to his secret cave home and introduced them to Alpha the computer. And it wasn't long after that that Alpha had completely replaced the Wizard as Alpha Bits' mascot. Stupid computers. Always trying to take over everything.

Oh, and did you know that Alpha was originally modeled after an IBM computer? But now he's based on a Mac. Go Apple go!

Oh oh, and who remembers the Suger Crisp bear? Best mascot and theme song ever. Terrible cereal though...

Rebel Without An H!

2008-03-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

"Wake up every morning, face that age-old scene..."

Are you an Enrico Fermi High or a Then Came Jonny?

"He's a blast from the past. He's a force for the future..."

Between you and me, I wish I was a Blast From The Past.

"Wake up every morning, nothing is the same..."

And Dopey

2008-02-27T08:02:00.000-08:00

The song Heigh-Ho. In Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. In the beginning the dwarves are singing in their mine about how they love to dig all day...

"We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mines the whole day through..."

Well, I just realized yesterday that they say "dig" SEVEN TIMES!!!! Seven dwarves. Seven times. Coincidence? I don't think so! Walt Disney was a clever-minded genius!

Est. 1989

2008-02-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

I used to think that the "Est." in clothing brands and buttons and whatnot stood for "Estimated", like the stores couldn't remember exactly when they started making clothes.

I later realized it probably stands for "Established".

12 Days

2008-02-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

I had an idea for this post.

But I forgot it.

I wish winter would go away already.

And hello.

Doritos

2008-02-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

I just realized I was alive back when the only flavour of Doritos was regular/cheesy. Then came Extra Cheddar-y flavoured Doritos. Followed by Cool Ranch, which in turn was followed by Jalapeno and Cheddar.

It was the Jalepeno and Cheddar that broke open the flavour dam. Seems like suddenly I walk down the snack aisle and there is all manner of BBQ, Spicy, Cheesy Pepper, and Curry flavoured Doritos.

I miss the simpler times. And Doritos 3-D. Remember those? I do.

Also, I remember when Garfield had his own brand of corn chip. If my taste memory isn't flawed, I would recall that they were better than Doritos.

Newspaperish Hoodwink Draggle Nasonite

2008-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

I swore today that I would write a poem
Not happening

"Captain," cried the lieutenant in fear, "our attacks seem to have no effect on their armour!"
The captain quickly grabbed the binoculars from the lesser soldier's hands, peering through them. All he could see was miles and miles of troops covered in a chalky white substance.
"Nasonite," he muttered, "I should have known the high court would leave out a detail like that."
"The high court, sir?" the lieutenant questioned, overhearing his superior's grumblings.
"That's right, the high court," replied the captain sharply, "those newspaperish dullards have had it in for me since I took over this regiment."
"But why, sir?" asked the lieutenant, who could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"Because!" snapped back the captain, "they'd rather see my name draggled through the slush at the cost of a few hundred lives then live with the idea of the Commonhood finally having a successful captain. And I was gullible enough to let them get away with it."
"You mean to say, captain," the lieutenant slowly stammered with fear, "that you were..."
"That's right," the captain answered, "hoodwinked."

Cliché

2008-01-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Everything here

Get Off My Case, Then Get Back On It.

2008-01-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Why am I so intrigued with my play counts? Say (All I Need) is leading the pack with 13.

I have canvases. I have paint. I want to paint. I want to make t-shirts again. I have a video camera; I want to make some movies. I want to make a comic book. I want to write one of my stories. I want to make music and finish an album. Realistically, I want to finish something. ANYTHING. Instead, I have books to read. Not the ones I want to read. The ones I have to read.

I want to die. Realistically, I want to run away. Somewhere far away. I want to stop going to school. I want to just work enough to support myself, and then do the things that I enjoy.

I need some achievable goals. I need to stop dreaming and start existing. I need something concrete to believe in again. I am still broken inside and at a lose for life.

I am lost, but I know where I'm going. I know where I will end up.

I am so damn sick of cover songs.

Somebody threaten my existence and force me back to work. I have the talent to be so much better then them, I just need more motivation.

18 spaces for 18 years of this garbage. Going on 19 soon.

I want piano lessons. And a piano. And a drum set.

Two Thousand And ?

2007-12-31T08:17:00.000-08:00

The Last Posted Thought of 2007

I need more innovative technique.

A Fresh Thought

2007-12-27T07:41:00.001-08:00

If our planet moved closer to the sun...

I Spend 80% Of My Day Driving

2007-12-20T08:57:00.001-08:00

Bandages - Hot Hot Heat

I don't know what to post about. But I think I should post, because it has been a while. I was going to talk about how I have accomplished nothing with my holidays so far except work, and it's already been an entire week. But that's boring. I'm through with pity; there are many other things that I would rather get from people. So instead, I suppose this will be a relatively short entry into the internet journal. Unless I can think of something else to "say".

...

Pinecones. My plant was moved into the living room. Some people think I should trim him. I disagree; I think it looks better as a large full plant. My hair, on the other hand, now that needs a serious trim. I don't know what to do with my facial hair. Some days it aggravates me beyond belief. Other days it's hardly noticeable. But those days are slowly disappearing. Just like my holi-days...

Sometimes Wanna Die - Joydrop

My iTunes Erased Itself

2007-12-11T12:40:00.000-08:00

Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning

Ready. Set. GO!

I need a new name. I also need more motivation. Motivation starts with an "m". "M" is one of the more potent letters in Scrabble. They have Scrabble on Facebook now; it's called Scrabulous. It's just another thing keeping me too terribly tied to Facebook. That was a decent show of alliteration. I have my final exam in two days; it's English. I think I will do better than I did at my Spanish exam. Two languages are better then one. One day I will finally be free of all of this madness. Who knows when that day will come? I don't nearly know enough. Or, if I do, I am very bad at recalling the information. Recall versus Recognition = Fill In The Blanks versus Multiple Choice. I've only had two real multiple choice exams. I've only had two real hours of wakefulness today, all because I don't have another exam until Thursday. Then I go home.

I don't know what I want for Christmas. I know I want C.D.'s, but they are quickly losing their appeal other than to say that I have them. I have over 100 C.D.'s now; I would count them, but that would stop this train of thought. I wish I knew how to use the GO train. I like trains more than buses, they are more interesting. Here's an interesting fact, I have never been to a real funeral yet. Like, one where the person who died was directly connected to me. Connections are funny things. Family trees are cool. Why can't I find mine on the internet? I thought that everything could be found on the internet. But it looks like I'll have to resort to books again. Another interesting fact: I fully read my first book in almost a year just a couple weeks ago.

The Picture of Dorian Gray. Slaughterhouse Five. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That's the entire series, plus an additional story about Zaphod Beeblebrox at the end. I don't really remember the additional story; I was reading it on the bus-ride to our Grade Eleven band trip. Wherever that was. Quebec? I've only been to three of the provinces in this country. Ontario, Quebec, and Nova Scotia. Nova Scotian beaches have tons of crab skelletons all over them. Peggy's Cove is where I found the most, but my cousin found one that was even nicer. I'm sorry Brendon for breaking it. I still feel bad about it when I think about it. Even though it was many years ago. I was in Grade Three. That was before I even had glasses. Though I probably needed them very badly by that point in life. I missed the last couple days of Grade Three because of Feddema camping. My friends sent me a package full of all my art work from the year and other things that I hadn't had the time to take home with me. Mitch gave me his alligator picture as well. I don't know if that was by mistake or not. We don't go Feddema camping anymore. Right now I wouldn't want to anyways. That family needs some serious therapy.

I miss my old friends. Change is a strange beast. Beast from Beauty and the Beast was just so darn awesome; I liked him so much more when he wasn't human. Kingdom Hearts II had an awesome Beast world, except for the final boss. Pain in the ass. I want to get the extended cut version, but I don't think I could succeed at the card playing. Succeed: I always want to spell it wrong. I've gotten to a point now where I almost think I can see the little red squiggles under words that I spell wrong on paper. Is that a good thing? I can use the semi-colon now Mr. Vriend. But I have no way to check whether I'm right or not. No right click option.

I am not a computer. I am a human being. I think...

Finished!

The Nylons - Happy Together

Can't Hold On Much Longer!

2007-12-07T08:56:00.000-08:00

Lynden - Falling Down

Stupid fingers. When did you get so fat?
"In the last ten days"
How did you manage to do that?
"You ate very very poorly"
Damn.

Only three more exams. Psychology, Spanish, English. Unfortunately they are spanned over an entire week still. So my fingers are going to get even fatter. More fat? But at least they're easy, right? Wrong. This means no studying, only poor eating. Ugh, I loathe exams. More than anything you could ever imagine. Well, actually, that's probably not true...

PS: You win. I've got one.

James Blunt - So Long Jimmy

MySpaces Are Ugly

2007-11-29T20:34:00.001-08:00

and so I will stick with PureVolume.

Turn To 45

2007-11-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

You come, empty-handed, to another of the endless forks in the road you follow. Do you...

A) Continue down the same path you have been following. Continue to fight the same demons, meet the same pitfalls, feel the same pains. Continue with assuredness that nothing will ever change.
B) Head down the new road in a direction that is as far away as possible from everything that you have followed up until this point.
C) Give up. Realize that neither path will ever lead to your happy ending and just stop walking.

C.W.S.2.

2007-11-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

[What Is This Crap? (Thomas' Bicycle)]

There had never ever been a day in Thomas' life that he had not ridden his bicycle. There was a connection between Thomas and his bicycle, they had developed a very strong friendship. But one day the strong friendship was broken.
One day, Thomas went out to his bicycle. He felt excited to ride it, he and his bicycle would have a grand adventure or something for sure. When he got to his bicycle though, Thomas was surprised. He saw another boy riding around the street, on a bicycle that looked a lot like his. It was his bicycle Thomas decided. Thomas had never been a sharing sort of person. He felt sad that his bicycle would want to ride around with someone else. He started walking home, very very sad. But just then Thomas heard a sound and turned around. Thomas' bicycle had always loved Thomas, more than any other boy or girl. The bike Thomas had seen was not his bike, his bike just liked to play games with him. Thomas was overjoyed to see his bicycle. Together, he knew he and his bicycle would have many grand adventures.
Because Thomas' bicycle was a magic bicycle that could move on it's own and talk to Thomas!

The End

[won a chocolate bar for writing the worst piece in the group]

So You Have Something Else To Read...

2007-11-13T21:07:00.000-08:00

Kill me. Kill me dead.

So You Have Something To Read...

2007-11-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

Aqualung - Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)

I don't mean this to be in any way offensive to anyone. I'm merely stating the facts. I have nearly been hit by drivers down here in Guelph five times. Each of those times it was a woman behind the wheel. Like I said, merely a fact that I have come to notice about Guelph women. Or at least female students at Guelph with vehicles...

Backstreet Boys - It's Gotta Be You

Soap

2007-10-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

You know what I don't get? Soap. We lather it up, cover our bodies in it, then just let it rinse off. And we all assume that we are now clean. What makes soap capable of this? Sure, it can make dirt come off. But what about all those invisible bacteria, germs, viruses? They're are the real dirty things. Dirt is actually really clean. So how can letting bubbles sit on your skin for a couple seconds possible get rid of them?

Mmmm...Anberlin. Such an awesome voice. Gotta get some more. And Slender Means. And Roz Bell.

C.W.S.

2007-10-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

[All In Minutes]

Today the sky was drearily sitting below the heavens. And I, below the sky, did look to see the moon, racing across the midnight blue sky.
The trees waved to the moon. Swiftly and firmly, their long evergreen branches, the fingers curled and spread. Slightly prickly, yet comforting.
To path this verbal observation, I wrote a continuous narrative. The words traveled down the winding road of my page, barely discernible from the woods around me.
I looked, and beheld among the trees a creature of some sort.
Giant, yet small, and with a strange mythical sense to it.
Inside a cave I found myself. The walls of ice surrounded me. The creature bent before me, its breath visible even in the dim light.
"Down," it said to me. "Down. Down towards the healing."
I knew not what to make of this. The words seemed alien to me. And then, the creature was gone. I raised myself up in the dark. I could see nothing, feel nothing, there was nothing there before me.
Darkness, I feared, would be tunneled into my very mind. Through the long, unclear passage I crawled, letting myself be swept aside by the thoughts. Soon, I wondered what I would find there.
And then I found the lamp. Rusted and warped by time, it stood before me in a small beacon of outside light.
Out, out I drove, faster and faster, until I came to the surface. The fresh air knew my name, as it had called it so many times.
Up went the lamp, ascending through the clouds to heaven. There was nothing to be done, I simply held onto the small grasses at the tree's base.
Slowly, I too travel up the trunk, through the air and branches, till I reached the rooftop of the evergreen. There, the sky motioned for me to listen, then whispered to my ear.
"The sky," it said, "will not always be so blue."
And then I fell. I fell down to earth. The sky stood above me, a towering wall of magenta.
My pencil moved furiously.

[an excerpt from the journal with the permanent fragrant]

"Needs More Distortion..."

2007-09-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

Great Big Sea - When I'm Up (I Can't Get Down)

The red panda. I just remembered that animal, cause I saw a glimpse of one. On blogger of course. Not actually in real life. If I recall correctly, they live in ... India. Yeah, think that's right. They have faces that look like raccoons, and raccoon tails, but they are the relatives of pandas. They live in the trees, the panda's eat the trees. Though by trees I mean bamboo. Which is not a tree. Red pandas were one of my favourite rare animals that I would never see in real life. Can't remember if I saw one in a zoo once...

Flogging Molly - Seven Deadly Sins

Italicized Thoughts

2007-09-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

Regular day: I wonder how many phrases I say are titles to songs...

Everyday: I wonder when tomorrow will come...

Everynight: How can I control the clocks and calendars...

Regular day: Would this make a good lyric...

Incomplete Understanding

2007-09-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are. The next step in this crazy roller coaster ride. I can remember the path that lead to here. But now the path is so jumbled, I don't know where to go next. Sometimes I wish that life would just slow down a little bit. But instead we're flying full-speed down this next huge hill. Seatbelts everyone. Here we go again.

My mind likes to run free. But my inner mind likes to stay put. Conflict is inevitable.

What am I writing about? I'm not even sure anymore. Laptop keyboards are not very easy to type with. But the lack of mouses are worse. But they are so light weight and carry-able.

I think it's about time to use my new English books to aid me in some personal projects. Sonnets are good. Good for personal projects. Some people say that I'm very good at being vague. I think I believe it now.

Time to work out. Only and hour and a half late. Ah well. Better late then never.

"The future is quite different from the present."

"Yes, especially what with there being no stairs."

Neither Here Nor There

2007-08-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

i dont know why this memory came to mind today. but while i was working in the turkey barn for the last hour of the entire summer, i came across a thought. last hour of the entire summer. man what a great feeling that is. course now i'll still probably be expected to do chores every now and then. and chores are terrible when they have no monetary value. but that is neither here. nor there...

does anybody the TVO kids of yester-year? the one from way back? back before it was "The Space". back before Giselle came along and permanently scarred children's television for everyone. even back before Phil came along and made things cool again for a time. but not so far back as when it was hosted by Patty and Kevin. yes, that's right, there was a Kevin. most people don't seem to believe that. they just think that he was a host of Stuff and nothing else. but i can remember back when he hosted nothing but the main show with Patty for awhile. but that is neither here. nor there...

anyways. after Kevin left the show for awhile. before returning to host Stuff with Julie 1. the good TVO kids was hosted by Patty and Joe. who were by far the best. can any one remember the superheroes that they created for each season? Patty played two of them and Joe played two of them. and they always pretended things like that the one host had just missed the superhero to cover up the fact that he or she was playing them. of course, i caught on right away. because i can remember even when they held contests to design the superheroes...

Captain Summer was the first one i can remember. he was played by Joe. i drew a comic strip of him for another contest and got a postcard signed by Joe and Patty and Rekah. (Rekah? that's another story). then came to Autumn Avenger. played by Patty. kinda cool. she had a huge maple leaf for a helmet. then The Chill. played by Joe. SOOO AWESOME. the best one by far, so cool. lastly the Springinator. deserved to be last. so dumb.

yup. i'm old.

Thank You Letter "P"

2007-08-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

another day. another blog. another new idea for a pointless game that can be played over blogs. this one is brought to you by algonquin campsites. and the letter "P".

Jonathan's Top 5 Favourite Coheed & Cambria Songs

(With 1 Being the Highest)

5. see, this is the game

4. now you have to guess them

3. place whatever guesses you want in whatever spots you want

2. i'll tell you what's right and give helpful hints

1. then you can guess again (if you still care by then)

Jonathan's Top 5 Favourite "Nightmare Before Christmas" Characters

(With 1 Once Again Being the Highest)

5. same idea here

4. obviously

3. except this time "everyone" doesnt count

2. though i do love everyone in this movie

1. some just a little more than others

in other news ... what do people write about in a blog?

"man your own jackhammers, man your battlestations" (Hint #5)

Surprise Comeback 1

2007-08-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been awhile. How have you guys been? I've been okay, starting to feel like I may be able to blog again...

...

Oh no...

...

Well, I'll be back again soon. Keep in touch everyone, and I shall do the same. Promise.

Jonathan Garret Feddema

Rogues (If You Wondered)

2007-06-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

maybe i'm not cut out for this blogging thing

it is too hard on the imagination

my imagination is hurting me

i like journals better - less public, more private

now i don't feel so bad for my negligence

"if you're not affected, you're not paying attention"

Music War

2007-05-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

i was just facebooking. again. spew. but i've just managed to find an old friend of mine who i havent seen since i was in grade two at least. i also connected with at least five people who worked at mcdonalds with me. back when i had no self respect. sure hope none of them read this. then again, i put a link to this page on my facebook. curses, foiled again. next time gadget. next time!

!!! SUBJECT CHANGE !!!

okay, let's see if i can manage to make up a brand new game in the next few minutes. cannot stop to think for more than fifteen seconds consecutively. makes it more exciting ...

so here's what i've got. you start with someone who says a song. title only. then someone responds (i guess it will have to be played through responses) with the name of the artist. they also mention the genre. then someone else responds with another artist from that genre and gives a song from them. another individual then responds by naming the album from which the previous song came from (so no singles or eps or whatever the kids call them these days) and then names another album ... which has at least one word the same as the first album (if its simple language) or at least three of the same letters (if the album is something impossible like "Billy Talent II") . of course, no naming stuff that has been named before. ever.

from there, i guess someone can respond and name the artist of the album that was mentioned. or name a song of that album. or name the genre of that album. it does not matter. all that does matter is that after the responder names something, they name something else that is connected to that something that they first named. i have no idea how confusing this is going to turn out to be. but i kinda like it.

i think lyrics will be left out for now. save that for the sequel to music war: music war II. ha. guess the only thing left to do is to get this party started ...

"Especially In Michigan"

... GO!

"and they're watching us (watching us) as we all fly away..."

Spare Me

2007-04-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

my ipod is charging. still. i guess that's what happens when i listen to it for an entire week without charging. impressive it was still live at all. then again i am hardly ever on the bus anymore, so i don't actually listen to it all that much. i miss busrides. i need better headphones. not earbuds though, they make you deaf. but better then my current wrap-arounds. they eat into my ears after about thirty minutes. luckily my bus ride is shorter.

the trampoline is calling. i'll be there soon, be patient you. the script is calling, and so is the painting. i'll be there ... eventually. lot of fresh red lines all over it, peters likes to cut me apparently. the front page fades, left it out in the sun too long. not sure how i became such a procrastinator. i never was before around grade eleven, and even then it wasn't too bad, like it is now. at least i have my trampoline. and it has far more use then just getting me into the air. the blue swordsman isn't as happy as he was before. the orange one is almost invisible.

thirteen kittens. my lucky number. no pure orange ones though. i'll have to be patient i guess. not sure how much more i can be though.

i want to paint some more t-shirts. i have a few ideas floating around in my brain, and they deserve to be put on fabric. it's just a matter of finding time. which i strangely have some of today. otherwise i doubt i would be writing this entry. i also want to finish too many things. but there isn't enough time in the day for that.

it's time to compromise. interesting word. com. promise.

"systems malfunction. blasted this damn machine. over and out, captain."

Title: There Is No Title

2007-04-03T17:33:00.000-07:00

today was a weird day. started off great, like most of my days do. its just that darn second half that ruins things. but that's not what made things weird. no, it happened later. much later then school time. after school time. that's when it happened.

my scarf feels nice. it makes my neck warm. when i take it off my neck is too cold. so i never take it off. summer time will be fun. pants sweatshirts and scarves. no need for summer clothes. just a summer jacket for those colder nights.

for some reason i had the strange desire to be sullen less then two hour ago. i dont know why. it just sort of came out of nowhere. nice: i got some compliments on my milk things. tax. i dont even know what that has to do with milk anymore. everyone else seems to think up all sorts of awesome deep ideas right off the bat. me. i think of something that leads to something that leads to something else that finally gives me a decent idea. point for peters.

rain is not a good thing right now. how the heck am i going to survive saturday? i need sunshine! and that thought leads me to: teenage mutant ninja turtles!!! i always thought leonardo was the one in the red bandana. red seems like the leader colour. but he's actually in the blue bandana. can that seem quite right.

i mentioned x-men today again. and now its on my mind. gambit is my hero. i wrote that on my grade twelve yearbook form. from what I've seen this year's yearbook so far does not please me much. i wish i were still in that class. i think i would actually be confident enough now to make sure certain things didnt happen. like the same people three times on one page. bad. not good.

do you wish i had magic powers.

"I, I won't worry my life away!"

If Only There Were More of Them

2007-02-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

"Birthdays make the world go round"

This One's For You...

2007-02-05T22:20:00.000-08:00

The previous message could not be delivered to all the recipients:

hereby

*I laughed at that*

go ahead go buy it

"???"

I love the missing piece

You're both. A nut is cute

starting out the new year with sfresorcim

My computer beat me at chess, but I beat it at kick-boxing

didnt have a camera by my side this time

RED BANDANA!. take that bmw!

Forever isolation

Stunt doubles have all the fun

sera, sera

Hold you in my arms, I just wanted to hold you in my arms

started with forgetting the lipstick

[Trapped In Neverland]

Would you care to repeat the message?

Searching For Useful

2007-01-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

There has to be some good reason for me having this thing...

I will find it eventually...

Once Upon A Time...

2007-01-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

Just making sure this thing doesnt get stale. Though I really could care less. Continue in the comments if you so desire...

Once upon a time, there lived a young boy named Jonathan...

A First Attempt At Something Serious

2006-11-28T22:25:00.000-08:00

So...its about 1:30 in the morning, and I am not sleeping. This used to be strange for me, but now it is the norm. Technically, I still have work in two classes to do before I can go to sleep with a clean conscience, but I doubt I will actually do it now...

Lately I've been feeling really out of place, like I'm the puzzle piece you find from that puzzle you threw away years ago because you lost that one piece. Or, when I think about it, I feel more like an orphan, except with peers instead of family. Yeah, I like that second analogy better. It seems every moment of my time is spent working, be it work work or school work. I haven't had free time in what must be two months now, and it is severely affecting my social life (not to mention my mental health). Meanwhile, while I dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole, all my friends spend their days hanging out, going to movies, sleeping in, coasting through class, basically having nothing but good times and great memories. And the more this happens, the more isolated I find myself.

But what am I supposed to do? Do I do the work and (maybe) get a half decent future, but give up completely on having any fun in grade 12? Or do I have the time of my life, and doom myself to a pointless existence. That, in my mind, would be the worst of fates. But this fate I'm living right now isn't that great either.

Now it is almost 1:45... I certainly do take a long time to write these things. I'm still not tired, but I know I'll hate myself tomorrow for this.

I don't like this "serious" me. But I don't entirely like the "other" me either. I'll come back to that some other time...

Such A Sell-Out

2006-11-20T16:55:00.000-08:00

ugh, I can't believe I have done this. I thought I was winning the war against blogging, but instead I now find myself fighting on their team.

No, I refuse to believe it. Here is the only possible explanation(s).

While I was fighting the good fight, and winning of course, against the blogs, their evil general, who has never been known to follow the codes of honour on the battlefield, hit me over the head with a rock. Sadly, my resistence to rocks to the head is rather small, so I fell unconcious to the ground. When I awoke, I found myself kidnapped by the evil blogs and being held hostage in their evil lair. Clearly they knew that I was the only hope for mankind, and that by capturing me, the forces of good would surely falter and fall.

From there, only two possiblilities make sense.

A) I was brainwashed by the blogs to fight for them, or ...
B) I got that syndrome where the captive falls in love with his captor. Cant seem to remember the name though.

Either way, I am trapped on the opponents side against my will, and so long as I am here humanity is doomed. Somebody save me!!!